I’m a college girl. Most of us think about boys a lot. We’re always doing something to impress; “what would he find attractive on me,” we might ask ourselves as we stumble out of bed. “What’s he into? Maybe I’ll join that club too so I can be around him more.” We get lost in our fantasies; I have friends who have already started planning the details of their wedding…THEY AREN’T DATING ANYONE! We romanticize things; “you see that cute guy over there? He was looking at me, he’s totally into me…our kids might be a little short though.”
Keep in mind I’m 20 going on 21, my friends are in my age group. Also, my friends are a mixture of Christians and non-Christians, what I’ve noticed is that we all have the same problems and worries regardless of religious stance.
I looked around and I looked at my life and I had realized something, I never asked myself, “do I want marriage; is it right for me, what’s God’s plan for me?” We assume that marriage is the “right” and “proper” thing for us to do-especially us Christians. When in actuality, Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:8, “but I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” He does not at all say that marriage is the “right” and “proper” thing. So then why do we grow up thinking that we will find prince charming? We won’t. No man is perfect. And things don’t magically get better when we say ‘I do,’ they get complicated. As Pastor Bryan Loritts puts it, “marriage isn’t better, it’s different. Being single isn’t better, it’s different.” And for us Christians, “marriage is JV, singleness is Varsity” because we have more time to spend focused on the Lord.
I went to a weekend getaway with Cru, (Campus Crusades for Christ.) There I learned about idols and before when anyone would talk about idols I thought of statues, but I learned that idols are things that we weigh as more important than God. It sounds absurd to say that there’s anything more important, but look at the way you live, can you honestly tell me that God comes first in every aspect of your life? I realized that I put what other people thought of me before what He thinks. People in general were my idols, but my biggest idol of all: boys. I decided in a fit of “conference high” that I would give up dating for a year.
That was 4 months ago yesterday. I decided to start this blog to document my journey and share it with others in hopes that it helps people realize there’s so much more to life. This journey has forced me to deal with “baggage” from my past and secrets about myself. That being said, a lot of my posts are going to be straight from my journal. Uncensored. I think in order for me to grow I need to reveal my flaws, “for nothing is secret that will not be revealed, nor anything hidden that will not be known and come to light,” (Luke 8:17). And yes, I realize this is the internet and anyone can read it but, who cares? I’m far from perfect and I’m not going to hide my faults like I’m ashamed of them.
To sum it up, my reason for this blog thing is, “no one, when he has lit a lamp, covers it with a vessel or puts it under a bed, but sets it on a lampstand, that those who enter may see the light,” (Luke 8:16). God doesn’t want me to just change my heart, he uses our lives as an example so that we can shine in dark places. If I went through this journey without sharing what it’s done to me and what it’s doing…well that would be the most selfish thing I have ever done.