Oct 20th-Jealousy

If life is only about God and my life is dispensable, then He should just let me die and rest in peace because I do not care anymore and I am tired of fighting for everything when everyone around me seems to just be getting everything. I’m becoming bitter and jealous of my friends. ESPECIALLY the engaged ones, the ones dating, and the ones with internships, everyone’s lives just seem to be falling right into place. Meanwhile, my family is going through the longest “rough patch” ever. “There’s always something,” as my grandmother used to say. I would laugh when she’d say it and listen to the most recent drama, but I was a child, and now, as an adult, those problems don’t seem so funny to me anymore.

But family drama aside, my personal life has always been a fight as well. I was never the girl who was asked to the dance in high school. Even though everyone continuously told me I could have my pick of the boys, I never felt that way. In my head if a guy liked me I was the lucky one, which made people question my judgment when it came to boys.

Anyway, if I’m going to be forced to live this life, I don’t want to fight anymore, I want to live not just survive. I don’t know if I need God to do that, a life with Him is starting to look like a life of misery…

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