Am I a Slut? How Do I Express Sexuality and Keep Christian Morals?

Here’s a letter that I wrote in prayer in hopes that I get some help keeping my purity promise:

Dear God,

I pray that you help me. I don’t want to let you down and I don’t want to break my promise. I’ve written many letters to my future husband so that one day he’ll know how hard it was for me to stay pure and so he’ll know how much our marriage means to me and how much you mean to me, Lord. Please lead me away from temptation and separate my spirit from my fleshly urges.

I know that you are not a legalistic God and that if I were to cave and fail you would forgive me just as soon as it happened but I don’t like breaking promises. The very thought of breaking my promise to you brings me to tears, I can’t imagine how I’d feel if I actually did cave but I honestly can’t see myself keeping this promise even 2 more years…is this why so many Christians marry young?

This is a big deal to me because if I can’t keep a promise to myself and to you how will I keep a promise to my husband or kids? I can’t…can I? This harder for me than for a lot of my friends because my sexual urges were awakened way before their time, from being a little too close to a 16 year old at 13, playing 7 minutes in heaven at 11 and growing up around the wrong people. I was always exposed, even through some cousins, to sexual stimuli be it movies or boyfriends while being babysat and of course at the time I thought it was normal and acceptable. But I wish someone had told me at that age to leave the room when certain things were said or done or watched. Now, as I get older I have this growing urge to just have sex. Literally sometimes I just want to pounce on the next guy I see…

In a world where finding a 21 year old virgin is rare I need your power to keep me on the straight and narrow. I need you because my flesh is weak and I do not want to fail you. I thought it would get easier as I got older but it only gets harder.

My mom said that it’s different for everyone, that some people just can’t wait too long so they might get married. So what am I supposed to do, go to Vegas and marry some random dude so that I can have sex? That would defeat the whole purpose of staying pure, I am supposed to stay pure to respect the sanctity of marriage in your name. Since I’m not married that obviously means you don’t think I am ready for sex or to be a wife…yet, my body is ready for sex…

I’m really confused and have no one to talk to about it because even my mentor caved in and had sex before she was married. I am so lost and need your help.

Amen,  A bride of Christ

I’ve been struggling lately trying to figure out how to explore who I am and grow as a person but keep my morals at the same time. As I’ve mentioned I’m shy so to help me no longer hone the nickname “shy girl” I thought maybe I would take this job as a waitress at a restaurant where the girls have to wear short shorts and a top that reveals our stomachs and cleavage, I don’t really think I have any cleavage so I can wear it without looking too provocative. In this job you’re basically paid to be an extrovert, and I’m not gonna lie I really want the uniform. I have the body for it so why not? I’m not selling sex, when people come into a restaurant it’s because they want food so I’m selling food and beer and just so happen to be dressed in what girls usually only wear on Halloween…

I’ve always been an advocate for showing off your body, if you’ve got it, flaunt it! But where do I draw the line? I don’t think there’s anything shameful about the human body and I love mine so I like to show it off. If it were socially acceptable to walk around in underwear I would.

How much should I curse? Should I curse at all?

What type of guys should I date when I start dating again? Because just saying I’ll date a Christian can mean a lot of things, there are a lot of “Christian” guys out there who I quickly discover do not share the same morals as I do…are there even any guys that do share my moral but is also someone I have other things in common with?

What does it look like to be a virgin bride? What’s the difference between her marriage and another woman’s? The only virgin bride I know is my mother and quite honestly I’m not even sure she was one because she always tries to make it seem like she was perfect and did no wrong. I can understand how she would want to maintain that image so that I can strive to be like her but it makes her impersonal and I don’t feel like I can relate to her at all. More important, what does it look like to be a virgin bride nowadays when sex is the norm and you’re expected to have lost it in high school? I only have a couple of engaged friends who waited but they’re my age. I would like to know like a girl in her late 20s who waited so that I know that it’s possible.

I have always wanted to wear a pure white dress, they’re one of a kind and hardly made anymore only off white or ivory but I want pure white, if I cave and wear a pure white dress I’ll feel like a hypocrite. To top it off, I gave a purity talk at church last semester…

And is staying a virgin until marriage an extreme? Is there a “right” way to have sex and treat sex before marriage? I don’t know what to do or think anymore and I wish I could talk to a woman who waited, who didn’t marry in her early 20s and who understands my struggle.

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3 thoughts on “Am I a Slut? How Do I Express Sexuality and Keep Christian Morals?

  1. Hi,

    First i must say your honest confession towards God have moved me to reply.
    I had a 33 year old ex who is still a virgin. Now i am with a girl whom I look forward to marriage. She is in her late 20s and is a virgin.
    This reply has nothing to do with should you be a virgin or not. But more of your perspective of God’s love towards you.

    I wish for you to reexamine your thoughts between your relationship of God and yourself. It seems like you have many contradictions of “being yourself” and “what you want to be” I see lots of struggle within.
    That led to the confusion of how you should led your life in peace and victory.

    May I just say that you are setting yourself up for failure?
    Why do I say that? It is because you have placed too high a standard for yourself and hoping to achieve it.
    In the first place, God did not insist on how you should behave. And He did not ask for any promises. What you’re talking about are mainly on the outward actions whereas God is more concerned about your heart, character and belief in Him.

    The Lord loves you for you, not what you should do as a Christian/believer.

    When your experience with God deepens, your belief takes root and shall never be taken away from you. You are free to be who you are as long as you have the right belief. “Right believing leads to right living”.
    I would like to share this short clip with you – Jesus—The End Of Your Struggles – 12 Feb 2012 – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2JQoC0JwHlg

    Believe me, i struggle lots as a guy.

    A Christian life is not without struggles. It is a life where you know you can overcome all things with Him in your life.
    Remember that Christian living need not be miserable.
    You are going through these struggles in order to share with other girls, how to handle their struggles in the future.

    I know you can emerge victorious and live life with freedom.

    • I appreciate your comment and the link! I agree with you, we talked about this in my Christian college group. The only thing I can’t wrap my head around is, if my heart is right then my actions will follow and I will make the right decisions and do the right things, but how do I know if my heart is right? How do I know if the right things are the right things? Because people tell me they are?
      I decided to stop dating for a year because I think that boys and dating have been big idols in my life; I’m trying to seek a more intimate relationship with the Lord and discover who I am and His mission for my life. I know that a more intimate relationship will make me more virtuous but I still want to make the wrong decisions sometimes.
      It’s not that I am trying to buy favor from God through my actions but I want to know that I’ve made Him proud and live my life as a sacrifice for Him so that He can one day say to me, well done good and faithful servant.
      Does that make sense?

      • I admire your desire to have this relationship with God, it is not easy for a young adult to be going through uncertainties between spiritual and realities of life.
        …my heart is right then my actions will follow…
        – I was in this state for 6 years. This is a fundamental issue with many believers, they are too concerned about how they should behave personally and publicly. This is subconscious in many levels.

        …How do I know if the right things are the right things
        – I hope there’ll come a time when you no longer bother yourself with such thoughts. It is very tiring to live life this way.
        Apart from your mother, the one who gave birth to you, no one is right to tell you what you do is right or wrong.

        Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)
        Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

        It is always natural to want to understand the theories of Christian living and conducts. So that you have a good bearing what you’re expected to behave and act as a God fearing Christian. But being a Christian also requires you to look past the natural and look into the Supernatural – Trust the Lord…submit to Him.
        He promise to direct your paths and make it straight.

        “Right believing produces right living”
        Remember you have 2 friends.
        1)Common Sense
        2)Holy Spirit
        These 2 friends will not lead you to wrongdoings. Learn to lean onto the Holy Spirit, sensing and walking with Him. It is the better way, a better part.

        Be a Mary (spirit-led), not Martha (effort and flesh led).

        You know? The Lord loves you and His favor is upon you. Exceedingly precious in His sight.

        Take care.

        p.s: Do come by my blog and drop me a message if you wish for me to share any sermons with you.

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