I’m 8 months into the no dating for a year project! Here are this month’s thoughts:
I’m realizing a traditional lifestyle isn’t for me. I like to travel and jump into new things, I don’t like to stay in one place for too long so I realize I don’t want to be in a serious relationship until I’m 30, MAYBE. I’ll date for fun but that’s about it because I’m not one to be tied down and I don’t want to set aside my aspirations for a guy like a lot of girls do. If a guy claims he loves me he can either come with me on my crazy adventures or step aside. In other words, my momma won’t be getting any grand-kids anytime soon lol.
If I could find a guy that’s as much of a drifter as I am then maybe I’ll consider being exclusive with him but I doubt I’ll find that just because the way I want to live my life is so far from the way the average person lives theirs, here’s how:
- I think instead of having kids I want to be a foster mother and then adopt because there are so many children who need parents and I can’t think of one unselfish reason not to adopt. I could care less if a baby looks like me or has my DNA. But this won’t be until waaay later in life.
- I am a drifter. I want to live in California for the same amount of time I lived in New York so that will be like 4 months unless I like it then I might stay longer. I want to live in Florida for a while too then I’ll go to France and Italy, do some charity in North Korea and Greece, go to Thailand, Japan, China, and who knows where else
- I want to date casually. A lot of people my age are starting to get more serious about dating and they want to get married soon and I’m not about that life right now. I don’t want to be exclusive, I don’t want to be anyone’s girlfriend.
- I have a lot of interests and I explore them all which makes me a little less sure about things. Can you imagine me getting married right now, “do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?” “umm, I’m not sure, can I sleep on it?”
I’ve got a bright future and I know I’m going to do great things. If a guy does decide he wants to seriously date me he has to know never to make me choose between him and my aspirations because he’s not going to like the answer. I have an extreme thirst for knowledge, culture and travel and I’m at my prime right now so I’m parched. To me those things are more important than the possibility of love and a family.
I’ve got all my life to settle down but right now I’m 21, I drink beer and yes from a bottle, I’m not going to waste a glass, I’m a thrill seeker, I wear little to no clothing whenever possible, I wear bold things, like motorcycles and fast cars, and a bad boy gets my blood pumping. I’m 21 not 41 and people need to back off and understand that because unlike the store suggests 21 is not forever so I’m going to milk it while I can.
It has been a wonderful 7 months without dating; there have been many ups and downs but all in all I’m glad I have been doing this. With my time off dating I’ve come to realize how much the thought and distraction of boys kind of just clouded my judgment and altered my motives. Now that I’m not trying to impress anyone I can decide if I really want to do something. Here’s what I’ve learned on my journey solo so far:
- I really like watching baseball! I never understood the sport EVER! But I went to a baseball game a couple weeks ago because I organized for the baseball team to wear blue ribbon pins and blue bracelets for child abuse awareness month to spread awareness about child abuse and the One Hope United organization. And I surprisingly had a lot of fun! I usually fall asleep watching baseball on TV with my dad but I had a lot of fun so I went to another one yesterday, again so fun. And I’m going again today! One of my friends asked me if I have a crush on one of the players because usually girls go to the games to support their boyfriends but I really don’t, I just like going. It’s nice to go to a sporting event and not be scouting out cute guys, I was actually able to pay attention to the game instead of the guys playing. I still don’t understand it all but I learn more each time I go. Woohoo for baseball!
This is my cousin at one of his northwestern games, he plays in the major leagues now! Woohoo baseball!
- I know my type. I’ve said this before, but since I’m not dating I’ve had time to think about what I want in a guy and now I know so that I don’t waste anyone’s time in the future.
- I don’t need a boyfriend. I think now a boyfriend would be…okay I don’t really care either way but before I started this it was always on my mind. A lot of people would tell me I could date any guy I wanted and so if I was single or didn’t have a potential guy I felt that something was wrong with me, that there was a negative rumor (my school is a small private college), or that maybe I just was odd or not pretty. I not only feel like I don’t need a guy but I am a lot more comfortable being alone now whereas before being alone made me so anxious and self conscious but then I realized no one cares that I’m alone and I was just being ridiculous. I’m so much happier now because I’m comfortable with myself.
- I no longer find my worth in men. It used to be I wasn’t pretty, smart, funny, or fun unless I got validation from a guy and that was an everyday ordeal for me. Now I wake up in the morning realizing how beautiful I really am and I’ve been hanging out a lot more with friends and just having fun being myself with them. I don’t understand why I spent so much time trying to be someone I thought a guy I liked would want. I realize that dating is supposed to be about two people who are similar and want to get to know each other better, no one should be trying to conform to what the other wants. I am pretty, I am smart, and I’m the goofiest person I know. I think I’m pretty great and I know and accept my flaws so I should be with a guy who loves and accepts all of me too. My new philosophy is to be with a guy who loves me as much as I love me lol that’s almost impossible now which I think is the point. I think we’re just supposed to be ourselves and then love will find us.
- I am so loved! This year has been so uplifting for me because I didn’t know where I fit in, in my groups of friends but it turns out people appreciate and look up to me and trust me. I had THE BEST 21st birthday last month, most people don’t remember their 21st but mine was one I’ll never forget! I should actually put pictures up, I will later but it was awesome and now that the school year is coming to an end I’ve just been hanging out with and really appreciating the people in my life. Whether it’s late night talks with friends about their love lives, picking out dresses for the upcoming busy weekend of baccalaureate, senior boat, and graduation (I get to go because I’m in choir and we sing for baccalaureate and graduation and one of my friends invited me to senior boat! super excited!), listening to engagement stories, going to baseball games, advice giving and advice taking, I’m enjoying spending time with the people in my life instead of worrying about keeping a boy in my life. I’ve learned to appreciate the people I have and not to hold onto the people leaving because the people who stick around are the people who are worth my time.
- I am wiser. I just yesterday was able to give advice to one of my friends who is also not dating for a year, she started the day after me. She is having concerns about a guy who isn’t Christian but who wants to date her. I’ll go no further than that, but I was able to give her sound advice because of my own experiences with “bad boys” who are sweet and charming. Sometimes you have to follow your brain and not your hormones no matter how sweet he may be to you now, if your morals and lifestyles are different it’s just not going to work out. But I told her to still be friendly and see what happens because God may be working in him through her, he is going to church now so who knows what will happen.
- I am more spiritually mature. I didn’t really care about my relationship with God, I didn’t even know there was such a thing but now I actually have a relationship with Him and it’s wonderful. I was recently told by a friend that she enjoys being around me because my love for God is contagious. I’ve been told this a couple of times this semester actually. I’m glad other people can see it because that must mean it’s radiating and people should be able to tell you’re a follower by the fruit that you produce, I finally know what that looks like because that’s me now 🙂 so uplifting.
- I have been able to spend more time with other believers. I so love being around other Christians, I had a bad habit of being into non-christian guys so my relationships were distracting and I’ve been able to see that there are plenty of Christian guys who are my type.
- I’m a pretty awesome person! Since I was always looking for validation from guys I always ended up feeling insignificant and not good enough (not talented enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough, not athletic enough) to be with the guy I was with or interested in. But since I’ve been consciously by myself for a while I realize just how amazing I really am. And I’m not trying to sound prideful I just think that everyone should feel that way, not that they’re better or worse than others but that they’re just different and they have something unique to offer the world. Now I can date with confidence. My confidence in myself is so completely different.
All in all I guess I’ve just gotten to know myself a lot better and I really like me lol. I’ve gotten to spend more quality time with friends too and figuring out which friends were real friends that I could see myself hanging out with for years to come was very rewarding; I love my friends! A year off of dating was much needed for my mind, spirit, and social life!
Here are some pictures of my 21st, to sum it up there was shopping, a loooot of food, shopping some more and drinking in moderation, of course