It has been officially 6 months since I decided to stop dating for a year! Woohoo! I recently got hurt yet again by my ex who I was just friends with,, but trying to remain friends with him did more harm than good. I think I was just holding on because I was afraid of what would happen if I finally let go. What if I never find anyone else? What if he starts dating someone before I do? What if he gets engaged all of a sudden? I like to say I don’t live my life based off what ifs because then I’d never do anything so I had to walk the walk and cut him off.
What happened this time: He knows what a big deal sex is to me and my feelings for him but he decided to yet again fool around with other girls and ignore me. I wasn’t sad. I wasn’t mad. I was just fed up. I’m tired of the push and pull. This isn’t the first time he has chosen the possibility of fooling around over being with me. That’s why we broke up in the first place but I just kept hoping he would mature and change. I finally decided that I do deserve someone who loves me more than his own urges and that I do deserve to be treated with respect. So I wished him the best of luck and told him I didn’t want to talk to him ever again and instead of feeling sad like I thought I would I feel good and like a weight has been lifted because I no longer have to continuously forgive someone who has hurt me so many times and I no longer have to try and be who he wants or what he wants and do things to make him happy. I live for a God who accepts me regardless of my faults and who doesn’t hurt me so who am I to give a lesser man power over my happiness and my purpose?
I do feel like crying a little just because I am hurt and I really, really tried to make things work and I felt like I gave myself to him and his happiness but I literally can’t cry because I just can’t help but feel relief that I no longer have to tip toe around to try not to make him angry and I no longer have to please someone who didn’t appreciate me at all. I can finally really allow God to mend my broken heart.
All in all I’m glad I went through this experience because it has taught me about God’s love and about love in general. Plus, now I’ll know a good man when I have him and I’ll appreciate him all the more.
These lyrics speak my relationship, enjoy.