It’s Over

I know it has been a long time since I posted anything but when the year without dating ended I felt that I had said all I needed and wanted to say but recent events have made me realize there’s so much more that needs to be said so I will say it all here in this post. That being said this will be my last post on this blog, I may start another but who knows…

Recently my last grandmother passed away leaving me with one grandparent left. She used to give me so much advice about writing and staying creative in a world made for left brains and sticking to and stretching out my right brained talents no matter what and to challenge them. She also gave me a lot of spiritual advice as well that really resonated with me. The night before she passed away I had not known she was going to die yet but I was compelled to write in my journal and the things I wrote were as if she was speaking straight to me. The prayer at the end of my journal log was especially scary to read back after I got the news that she had passed because I seriously felt that death was going to happen soon, I just thought it might be me… It’s weird how I wrote things that she had been telling me all along about God and love and life hours prior to her death…anyway here’s what I wrote:

For the first time ever I feel like everything will be alright. I’ve spent my whole relationship with God in fear and worry. I, like Job, have been secretly afraid that God would take everything from me and give me nothing, or, give only to take from me. My whole relationship up until now has been me walking on egg shells, treading carefully along hoping not to break one for fear of His wrath. I could never find peace because I was always afraid; I spent my life waiting for the other shoe to drop because nothing seemed to be good or go well for too long in my life. I spent the majority of my childhood being afraid; afraid to go to school, afraid of my father’s wrath, afraid no one would ever love me. Whenever anything good happened misery came like a thief in the night, stealing any glimmer of happiness I had.

But now everything is going well, everything I’ve asked for I’ve received because as soon as I stopped being scared, as soon as I stopped being worried, as soon as I put all my eggs in the basket of trust for God He gave me everything I ever asked for, everything I ever wanted and everything I ever dreamed.

I spent my life feeling unloved and lost and then one day I fell in love with God. I understood Him as a father to the fatherless, mother to the motherless, husband to the widow, etc.  Whereas before He was the one who gives to take back.  In falling in love with Him I have found peace because I know that even if His plan for my life is different than mine that I would be okay. Once I finally came to the realization that God is all I need and once I really felt that and was happy and content in my heart, He gave me everything I had been praying about; He gave me what literally every need-based prayer was about; He gave me love which I found through Him and I feel whole. What’s funny is as soon as I felt my need for love was filled He pulled a rabbit out of the hat and sent me a man.

I have been dating a friend of mine who has been a close friend for 2 years, after my year of dating was over he confessed his feelings for me and though I had a lot of reservations about whether or not this was part of God’s plan for me I came around after about a month of prayer and talking about it with different people and I know now that I made the right choice.  In addition to this, my family is doing better; my brother’s dreams are coming true right before our eyes, my dad after being laid off for about 5 years has finally landed a job he enjoys and that treats him well and though we still have a lot of bills to pay and though we still struggle I am sure we will pull through by the grace of God, and I am finishing up my last couple of semesters in college and moving on to grad school where I plan to get an MA in IO Psych and an MBA.  This was one of the toughest academic semesters I’ve had to face because I took statistics II and with a lot, a lot, A LOT  of work and prayer I pushed through, I feel unstoppable.

What I’m saying is I’m not happy. Happiness is a temporary state of emotion, I am fulfilled! It took me giving up my struggle to run my own life to finally feel this way. Once I was content and happy with whatever God gave me, once I was able to give Him glory through the storms and the sunshine He gave me extra, He gave me what I didn’t even need but had been asking for just to prove He cares and that He listens and that He hasn’t been ignoring me all those years. When you delight yourself in the Lord He gives you the desires of your heart, that doesn’t mean just pray and read your Bible because if it did every believer would feel the way I do right now and that sadly isn’t the case. What it means is to be content and happy with what you have and pray for what you don’t, in hard times don’t curse God and say He is ignoring you instead understand that His plan is greater than you can fathom and that what you see is a snapshot of a greater picture. Whenever I feel defeated I say the song lyric, “though my heart is torn I will praise you through the storm” and it not only is a prayer to God but a reminder to myself that He sees, He listens, He’s there, He cares, He’s planning and He loves me. This is why people pray but say they haven’t received what they’re asking for, they haven’t delighted themselves in the Lord and He is holding what they want until their heart is  ready to receive what He has to give.

For the first time in my life I am not afraid of the Lord taking everything from me because I willingly give it all to Him. I understand His love for me and not only know but feel now that He won’t hurt me. Job had to learn that lesson the hard way’ the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh  but He gives only when our hearts are truly ready to receive and He takes only when our fear of Him taking away our possessions is greater than our trust, love and glory for Him.

My prayer:

Dear Lord,

I just thank you for everything. Thank you for every little and big thing; thank you for my brother’s opportunities, my parents’ struggles and fights through every obstacle, thank you for Nate being in my life, who would’ve thought that random kid at that party would become so important to me, thank you that things are going well with school. I thank you for everything I’ve gone through; every single struggle, every disappointment, every heart break because it has brought me to this place of fulfillment. Every night and day spent crying, every ounce of abuse I’ve endured I thank you for. Every tear and every hurt has lead me closer to understanding who You are. It all makes sense and  I’ve never seen my life so clear as I do right now. There’s a reason we praise you through the storm, because the storm just means we’re one day closer to the sunshine and clarity of what it was all for. I’m having the kind of clarity that I feel one has before they die and while tomorrow is not guaranteed I know this is only the beginning.

Amen.

 

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Biggest Lesson So Far

It has been 10 months since I’ve taken the vow to not date for a year and here’s the most important thing I’ve learned:
Getting married isn’t in God’s plan.
God would rather us be single than get married because marriage is a distraction from our relationship with Him. In Cru they teach us that we’ll never be less busy than we are now which is why now is the perfect time to build a strong foundation with Him.
But here’s the kicker that really hit home to me: every relationship experience has been my fault. Every heartbreak, every embarrassment, every mistake and every thrill, all me.
When I came to that realization I cried, and not just cried I sobbed because that meant all of my pain is my own fault, it wasn’t part of God’s plan for my life, not fate, not destiny just results of my own choices. It was only my positive outlook that gave me the illusion that they were God’s plan at work.
The reality is God has bigger plans for me, He’s not worried about my love life and &es not trying to find my mr right. He’s planning my walk with Him not my walk with some man. He’s not matchmaker, He’s the Lord.
Our relationships are our own business and our own faults. We have freedom to choose. We choose to ask someone on a date or to say yes or no to an offer, we choose to stay in a relationship and see through the rough patches or to get out of it, we choose to stay with or dump a cheater or liar or abuser, we choose to say yes or no to a proposal and we choose to say I do or I don’t. We choose to see a marriage through or to call it quits. Our heartache, our relationship drama, our loves, our losses, our thrills and our terrors are all because of decisions we’ve made.
I believe the reason we don’t see love this way (as a choice) is because it’s so logical and not very romantic and because when we get burned it’s easier to blame someone or something else rather than ourselves. When we get hurt it’s easier to say it was fate or in God’s plan or it was the other person’s fault rather than to take a look at ourselves and say I knew better or I should’ve said no, it was my decision.
So, after I realized that my relationship status and my pain are all my fault I decided to change. I believe the definition of insanity is to try the same thing over and over and expect different results, or so I’ve been told. And so I’ve changed the way I look at relationships. Relationships are not neccessary, and whether I’m in one or not is my own choice. So, I choose to fall in love with a man who has chosen to fall in love with me and with God.
In short, the biggest lesson I’ve learned so far is love is a choice and our pain is a cost. We get to decide if the cost is too high to stay in love.

This is Unnaturally Natural

In my previous post I said culture, knowledge and travel are more important to me than the possibility of love and a family and I stand by that. There are some people who think that’s sad and don’t understand why I’m not sure I want a family or a traditional one if I do have one. So let me explain.

I basically grew up being afraid of my dad and never wanting to disappoint him. I know there is some controversy on how to discipline a child, I think discipline should be tailored to each child’s personality and that the child should understand what they did wrong and that this disciplinary action isn’t a reflection of how their parents feel toward the child. When I was growing up I didn’t get that, I did get whipped with belts and while that’s not really abuse it did effect the way I felt toward my parents. I grew up feeling like I wasn’t loved basically, I would go to school, get picked on all day, and come home feeling no more sense of belonging than I did when I was at school. I remember getting notes in my lunches that said, “mommy and daddy love you very much” but I remember wrinkling the notes, rolling my eyes and throwing them away. I felt that actions speak louder than words. I’m not saying don’t use belts because like I said every child is different but for me I was terrified because I never got a chance to explain myself when I did something wrong. I was scared of my dad and I hated my mom because I felt she should have stepped in.

Luckily, my parents didn’t have the same discipline styles for my brothers. They just get grounded and get things taken away from them. It makes me happy but it also makes me really angry; happy because my parents have grown as parents and realize how to properly discipline each kid and to know that my brothers won’t grow up afraid, especially the youngest one. But angry because I don’t understand why I had to be the guinea pig. Now I’ve got all this emotional baggage and it could have been avoided if my parents had dealt with their anger issues and taken into consideration different parenting styles and doing more research before I was born. It’s not my fault but now I have to deal with it.

Anyway my mom thinks the way I live and want to live is a bad idea, she wants me to get married, have my own kids and blah blah blah. I have never said I love you to anyone in my family so how am I supposed to find it in my heart to love a stranger and make new strangers with that stranger and love them too?

I know that my parents try their best to give me and my brothers everything we want and I try and focus on that but a part of me can’t let go of that little girl bent over the bed being smacked with a belt, looking at her mother who is just watching and doing nothing and every time they piss me off it all comes back and all I want to do is punch something. I don’t get sad, I get angry and pissed off every time I think about. And I know I’m a psych major and I know I should handle it by making amends or peace but I don’t really want to. I know they didn’t mean it and I know they didn’t know any better but idgaf.

Forward this video to 20 mins

http://www.northpoint.org//messages/the-new-rules-for-love-sex-and-dating/part-4

Is there any question now why I’m not sure a family is something I want? I’m not gracious and frankly, I’m not ready to be gracious. I think that for right now the only way I want to deal with all the negative crap is to never mention it and joke around with my family because that emotional stuff isn’t me.

I remember getting so p/o-ed at church because people would stand there and tell me what a righteous father my dad is and what an amazing woman of God my mother is. All I wanted to do was punch them, who were they to tell me who my parents were, like seriously? Little did they know they were arguing and cursing at each other all the way to church. Then I would be forced to smile and talk to people like the last 20 mins didn’t happen. I hated that, I was not emotional the only deep emotion I felt was anger. We put a lot of emphasis on family when all it is really is a bunch of strangers who share the same DNA and thus are forced to be part of each other’s lives by fate.

Things are much, much better now hence why my parents just celebrated their 26th wedding anniversary, thank God. And I think I love my parents but I could never say that because I’m not 100% sure it’d be true. They’re not terrible parents at all though and I greatly appreciate all of the sacrifices they make for me to have a future for sure, I’m not a monster, but emotions have never been part of my family lifestyle. In fact if I cry I’m called irrational so saying I love you would be just words since love is an emotion and my family is emotionally numb.

So, I don’t want to get married and end up having a terrible marriage because I won’t allow myself to open up and be serious. Idk maybe one day when I’m 30 I’ll decide it’s time to address the issues or maybe I’ll realize it’s not important and it was all a distant nightmare. All I know is right now I don’t want to talk to them about it because I know they think they’re great and everything is great. My dad is emotionally unavailable most of the time, my mom is emotionally unavailable most of the time and guess what, I’m emotionally unavailable 99% of the time which means if I had kids they’d basically be robots too. No thank you.

See? Psychologists are not perfect, we’re all a little messed up.

8 Months! IDK About You But I’m Feeling…21

I’m 8 months into the no dating for a year project! Here are this month’s thoughts:

I’m realizing a traditional lifestyle isn’t for me. I like to travel and jump into new things, I don’t like to stay in one place for too long so I realize I don’t want to be in a serious relationship until I’m 30, MAYBE. I’ll date for fun but that’s about it because I’m not one to be tied down and I don’t want to set aside my aspirations for a guy like a lot of girls do. If a guy claims he loves me he can either come with me on my crazy adventures or step aside. In other words, my momma won’t be getting any grand-kids anytime soon lol.

If I could find a guy that’s as much of a drifter as I am then maybe I’ll consider being exclusive with him but I doubt I’ll find that just because the way I want to live my life is so far from the way the average person lives theirs, here’s how:

  • I think instead of having kids I want to be a foster mother and then adopt because there are so many children who need parents and I can’t think of one unselfish reason not to adopt. I could care less if a baby looks like me or has my DNA. But this won’t be until waaay later in life.
  • I am a drifter. I want to live in California for the same amount of time I lived in New York so that will be like 4 months unless I like it then I might stay longer. I want to live in Florida for a while too then I’ll go to France and Italy, do some charity in North Korea and Greece, go to Thailand, Japan, China, and who knows where else
  • I want to date casually. A lot of people my age are starting to get more serious about dating and they want to get married soon and I’m not about that life right now. I don’t want to be exclusive, I don’t want to be anyone’s girlfriend.
  • I have a lot of interests and I explore them all which makes me a little less sure about things. Can you imagine me getting married right now, “do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?” “umm, I’m not sure, can I sleep on it?”

I’ve got a bright future and I know I’m going to do great things. If a guy does decide he wants to seriously date me he has to know never to make me choose between him and my aspirations because he’s not going to like the answer. I have an extreme thirst for knowledge, culture and travel and I’m at my prime right now so I’m parched. To me those things are more important than the possibility of love and a family.

I’ve got all my life to settle down but right now I’m 21, I drink beer and yes from a bottle, I’m not going to waste a glass, I’m a thrill seeker, I wear little to no clothing whenever possible, I wear bold things, like motorcycles and fast cars, and a bad boy gets my blood pumping. I’m 21 not 41 and people need to back off and understand that because unlike the store suggests 21 is not forever so I’m going to milk it while I can.

 

My First Kiss

I was thinking and I never told you guys about my first kiss. This is a blog about all things love so it’s only fitting I tell you about it.

You know how there’s that look and then he grabs you by the waist gently and looks you deep into your eyes and you start to tremble and get those butterflies and then his lips barely touch yours and you feel like you’re floating and you close your eyes and time stops. Then you open them and you feel like you’re dreaming?

Yeah, wasn’t like that for me at all. This glorified first kiss thing has got to stop. Stop it Hollywood, you’re getting our hopes up! Now, I’m not saying that they’re all not like that but I haven’t heard any real life stories that were like that.

Unlike most girls my first kiss was fairly recent. I wasn’t allowed to date in high school and since I was terrified of disobeying my dad I didn’t date. So I had a lot of catching up to do when college rolled around.

I met this guy at a charity ball, he was going away to boot camp for the Marine Corps after the weekend. I was immediately attracted to him when he entered the room, our eyes locked and my goodness I got butterflies. Sounds like a movie doesn’t it? But unlike the Hollywood tales we did not have an “adult sleepover” and although I was invited to an “after party” of his I didn’t go.

He was charming, he made me laugh and he was sweet to me and he wouldn’t take his eyes off of me the whole night. I hate being stared at but when it’s a cute guy it makes you feel special. We danced and he stared into my eyes and had his hands in respectable places. So far it sounds so cliche I’m starting to wonder if it really happened or if it was just from a movie I watched.

Anyway, he actually brought alcohol in a flask because he was told there would just be punch at the party. I thought it was funny and I was immediately drawn to him. My friends saw what was happening and warned me about his bad boy rep.

Tisk, tisk didn’t they know good girls love bad boys.

I was even more attracted to him after I found out about his past. And, I mean how bad could he be he was at a charity ball for crying out loud. I confronted him about it and he said it was all true, the sex, drugs, money and moving out of his parents’ house and being on his own since 16 but, he said he wanted to be a “better man.” Now I don’t know what it is ladies but when we hear that something in us goes ‘AWWW.’

Even though I was clearly into the guy I thought it was a chance encounter and snuck away from the party and went home. He was getting increasingly drunk and when guys get drunk they get clingy, not my thing. But I was still kind of into him but I knew he was leaving for bootcamp so I thought nothing of it but a great night with a fun guy.

A few months later we reconnected and long story short he asked me out, I said sure why not because it was summer and I was bored. But since he’s in the Marines we hardly ever saw each other so we didn’t actually have our first kiss until months after we started dating.

He came to visit because he was home for a few days before he had to go again. I saw him walking toward me and I got butterflies, just like the movies. I hugged him and feeling his arms around me was the best feeling ever, just like the movies. But we didn’t kiss. Not yet. He came into the room and we watched a movie and he laid on the bed and asked me if I was cold. I of course said no because I wasn’t but my friend was there and she was like that means he wants to cuddle and he said, “yeah, that’s where I was going with that.” I was slightly embarrassed by my inexperience with this type of stuff. I mean, he should have just said he wanted to cuddle. “Say what you mean, dammit,” that’s my motto.

Anyway, we cuddled and it was nice but then I started to get uncomfortable as he started to kiss my neck and blow in my ear. I started to think, “is he seriously trying to get frisky? Now? But, he was away in the corps for months I guess I should let him have some fun…” He started groping me and touching me and the next thing I knew he was on top of me. Still can’t figure out how that happened. He kissed me and…it was terrible. I’m sure he’s a good kisser what with all of his experience but I didn’t enjoy it. His tongue was in my mouth, he smelled like cigarettes and my eyes were open the entire time. Well, I closed them but closing them didn’t feel right so I opened them again. It was like there was a flopping fish in my mouth that tasted like an ashtray.

It wasn’t only the kiss that made my first kiss terrible I think it was the timing too. It’s hard to start off a relationship with a guy who’s in the military we never saw each other in fact, that kiss was only our second encounter. I felt like I needed to spend time with him more, go on a few dates at least before I let him grope me. And that was another thing, the groping, he knew I was saving myself for marriage but he had never been with a girl like me so going slow wasn’t something he grasped very well. I always thought the first kiss would be sweet, timid, gentle but instead it was wet, aggressive, passionate. Passion before you’re ready for it is not a good thing. I was expecting him to ease into it but there he was on top of me full throttle.

Later we had more problems, even though he said he wanted to be a better man and not have sex again until it was with a girl that matters. I really wanted to believe him but eventually I was forced to confront the truth when he said what I’d wished he would have just told me from the very beginning, “I don’t think I can be in a sexless relationship. And I know I can’t be faithful when I’m away.” What a waste of time.

Now I understand how hard it must be for a guy with a bad boy rep to try and be with a girl with a good girl rep. But, I did ask him if he thought he could handle dating a girl like me whose saving it for the white dress and he said yeah because he liked me not just my body. Ladies, they all say that. I’ve dated 4 or 5 guys and every single one has said the exact same thing but when it comes down to it, if you have to ask you already know the real answer… you’re just hoping he doesn’t say it. The real answer is he wants to say yes and mean it and maybe he does for a little while, but common sense tells you that a bad boy isn’t going to just give up his bad boy ways on a whim. It’ll take time and personal growth and restructuring and unfortunately, that doesn’t involve us.

You want to date a guy with a bad boy rep but you’re afraid it won’t work out?

Solution: Don’t date him. See how serious he is about being a better man on his own because if he doesn’t want to change for himself he’s not going to change for you. Lesson learned.

How Do You Know When it’s Real?

Since this is a blog to express how I feel about love I guess I should be more vulnerable.

Last night I went to a party for the graduates, everyone could come as long as they were invited by a senior. So I went with some friends, it was on a boat and we went down the IL River for about 2 hours. I was excited to go because I had never been to senior boat before. Being on the boat reminded me of junior prom because we did the same thing only we were at Navy Pier. I quickly discovered, however that this was very, very different from a high school prom.

Drunks, vulgarity, and inappropriate sexual behavior everywhere. At first I didn’t know why there were chaperones because it’s college and most people there were 21+ but seeing how some people were acting I realized why. Then again, it’s not like the chaperones did anything so I still don’t know why they were there.

Anyway, this isn’t about that, this is about the way being there made me feel.

So, I guess I felt out of place, everywhere I looked there were couples and every insecurity I thought I had dealt with quickly came to surface. I started to feel ugly, lonely, like a loser. I went with friends and we’re all single but I just still didn’t feel like I should have been there. Everywhere I looked there was someone making out, someone sucking someone’s neck, a guy feeling a girl up. It was just a bunch of horny animals and I was disgusted but jealous at the same time. Being around all those couples made me so sad but,

It was my choice not to date for a year

It was my choice to not cave into sexual promiscuity.

I choose who I surround myself with.

I chose all the “right” things but being there just made me feel like I have been choosing the wrong things. I mean, when you see some of your Christian friends grinding on the dance floor it’s hard to tell the difference between them and everyone else. It was as if they were saying, “I have Christian morals, but only when it’s convenient.” It was like a lie. Some of my other friends talked about that too, it made us uncomfortable but you know what, to each their own, I don’t judge.

Being at senior boat made me realize I do want what those girls have though, I always have which is what made me sad-

I want a guy to look at me the way they were being looked at by their boyfriends and I don’t mean in a sexual way, what I mean is like this

550789_530794016935225_300297928_n

They looked at their girlfriends like they were the most amazing girls in the world. I don’t know if that’s how they really felt or if it was just all the alcohol but regardless, I wanted it.

So I became jealous and started thinking ‘woe is me’ but then I realized I don’t want what they have. I think it’s sad when you can’t tell if a guy really feels like the girl he’s with is the most amazing girl in the world or if it’s just the alcohol.

I want more.

I was with a guy who looked at me that way but only when it was convenient. But he is the only guy who has ever looked at me that way so I thought it was real. I still have no idea if it was real on his part because he still claimed that he had real feelings for me after we broke up but I find that hard to believe given the way I was treated.

My question for you all is, how do you know when it’s real? A guy can fake that look, I saw it first hand multiple times last night, some of the times I saw it being enacted on some of my friends by guys who were players.

The harsh reality broke my spirit. That a guy can lie with his eyes too.

If he can lie with his eyes he can lie with anything.

I’m at a loss, but at least I learned something about myself:

  • I want to be wanted, every woman does but, I don’t want to fool around with a loser who does nothing but lie and make me feel insignificant. I saw too many girls get hurt by that last night.
  • I want a serious relationship because I do want to be a wife. Not anytime too soon but I could see myself engaged in a few years. I don’t want kids until I’m 30 though, I’m waaaay not ready for motherhood, nowhere near it. But some of my friends are which kind of just makes me feel weird lol
  • I put myself through this because I know it will pay off. I let myself feel left out, I stay a virgin and I surround myself with people who do and want the same things even if we are the outsiders because I know that it will make me happier and healthier in the long run. I’ve seen family member after family member fall prey to drugs, alcohol, and a boy’s lies. Do you know what it got them? Jail, compromised health, dependency, and unplanned pregnancies. I grew up watching cousins, aunts and uncles who all had, potential throw their lives away over fleeting pleasure. I grew up knowing I didn’t want to be like them and have done everything in my power to run away from it.

What’s next:

I need to remind myself continuously that I’m doing these things for a reason and I need to stay out of situations that make me feel otherwise until I’m spiritually and mentally stronger. I won’t be going to senior boat next year and I am not going to anymore of these parties. I’m not a party girl in the first place so I have no idea what I was doing there anyway.

Is Love Overrated?

I was at a Cru meeting, the topic was dating and one of the members had a question for the staff, “if someone get pregnant is it okay to get married to them just because you’re having a baby with them?” One staff member said he thinks it’s okay and when we all looked at him dumbfounded he said, “now hear me out, I think our society puts too much emphasis on love. I think that sometimes we live in a fantasy land where we think all we need is love. Obviously they shouldn’t get married just because of the child but if that’s what pushes them then I think it’s okay.”

I think he was partially right, our society does put a lot of emphasis on love. When we were young we watched Disney movies that gave young girls the message that your dreams are only complete when you have found your prince. It is for this reason that we grow up thinking all we need is love to be happy. That’s a lie. Being married isn’t better than being single, it’s just different being single isn’t better than being married it’s just different. Problems are different, priorities change, and they both have their positive and negative sides. I think that through the music we listen to, the movies we watch and the people we surround ourselves with we acquire certain beliefs.

Yes, I do think we need love to be happy but that love doesn’t have to come from a dating relationship or a marriage. In fact, these things can sometimes bring despair when not exercised properly. What makes me whole, what keeps me going is faith and hope and love.

I have faith that current situations will get better

I have hope that things will work out in my favor

I have a love greater than anything I’ve ever experienced because it is perfect, because it is from The Perfect One

Love is not overrated, it’s where we seek love that can be overrated. Love between people, that’s overrated. People think that when they get married the problems in the relationship will dissolve and they will live happily ever after. Then when that doesn’t work they have children to mend their broken marriage. But they quickly discover children only put more strain on marriage so then they divorce and search again for their “true love” or their “prince charming.” You want to know why 50% of marriages fail? That’s why. There is no such thing as prince charming because prince charming is perfect and in this world there are only imperfections. The marriages that last, the ones that succeed are the ones where both people understand this, that their spouse will hurt them, make them angry, and be annoying because their spouse is not perfect. But you know what, they accept them anyway.

The marriages that succeed are the ones where neither person is putting the other up on a pedestal. The marriages that succeed are the ones built by survivors, the ones that tough it out and try and work at it because they know “I do” doesn’t me “I do…for now.” This is going to sound scary but it’s the truth, marriage is a life sentence, it should be treated as such.

When you say ‘I love you’ understand what you’re saying, you’re saying ‘I accept you, all of you.’ You’re saying, ‘you are important to me, you add to my happiness.’ You’re not saying, ‘I accept you as long as you stay perfect’ you’re not saying, ‘you are important to me sometimes.’

The word “love” is overused and abused and so is marriage, if you’re not in it for the long hall sit down, it’s not written anywhere that you have to get married.

Love in general is not overrated, when it is expressed correctly it is one of the best gifts man has.

However, we can make it overrated by saying the word when we don’t understand what we’re saying, jumping into marriage without thinking about it logically, and by searching the world for the perfect prince.